Self Analysis

I recently entered my blog into a blog writing competition.  The odds were winning were 1 in 5.  No problems, I thought.  I blasted out something I thought was good, thought provoking, me.  I got a list back of the prize winners a few weeks later.  I confidently scanned the long list for my name.  Not fricking there.  I read some of the winners entries.  They were also good, thought provoking, and better than mine.
Now the nature of this business of writing is that rejection is just part of the game (well it seems to be for me), I have developed a thick skin.  And the reality is for me, if I am going to get a career going for myself in this industry, I need to submit pitches relentlessly and opitmistically.  If you don't put yourself out there then noone will know you're there.  For some bloggers they are successfully visible, they market their blog widely, their numbers reflect this.  But my blog will never put food on my children's plates, will never put money in the bank.
Some can, mine doesn't.  And isn't supposed to.
It's a notebook, a testing ground, a practice pitch.  It's my space.  My writing is different here than out there.  My stories always have a bit of my own personal life on them, in some forums out there this works, in most it doesn't.
So why am I writing this?  I had a long spiel written in my head in bed this morning.  I've forgotten half of it now, including the point about why I'm posting about this.  I think what I'm trying to do is remind myself that it's ok to keep writing my stuff for me.  I don't need to try and make this something it's not.  Likewise, I must not rely solely on this space for my writing.
And I will try not to enter my blog into competitions.
The rejection is just too personal.