Self-blog-analysis

So I went to a bloggy conference thingo on the weekend.  I knew it would be full of excitable bloggers learning and networking, but what I didn't know was how I would react to this.
I froze. Stricken by shyness and general weirdness.
I'll give some perspective, in my life as a corporate wife handbag to The Husband, I go to lots of lovely shindigs, and meet many lovely peeps, with genuine enthusiasm I meet and greet and chat, and share, and generally have a fine old time. And when I'm with my dearest friends, I'm fair game for anything, especially if a lovely glass of pinot grigio has been consumed first.  Dancing and tables have been used in the same sentence.
So Saturday, I thought, no brainer, just lots of me's to chat to.
I give thanks every night that my writery friend Sarah was coming too, and when I arrived, like a startled deer in the headlights, as I stared at the seething room of excited, networking bloggers, I sent out an urgent SOS text - "get here quick or I will never ever talk to you again".  She said she ran the last couple of blocks.  And together the day was salvaged but my confidence was in shreds.

You see, I think people think that because bloggers share their every things, that we're a pretty extrovert bunch, and I'm guessing after Saturday, that's a fair assumption.  But then you get people like me, who unless I really am confident in a group, and have a couple of safe haven's (or friends) I can go back to for re-energising, I free-fall into a black pit of self consciousness and verbal constipation.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with who I am, what I do and what I produce.  More than happy.  I just don't know how to sell myself to a group of people expert at selling themselves too.  Lordy, I have to sell myself and my pitches most days with emails and phone calls to editors, convincing them that this story is the bomb and that I am the only person who should write it.  So why the freeze?

Maybe it was because we were all the same but the playing field wasn't even - there were people there who pull up their deepest emotions in a blog post and a handful of people read it, and on the other, there were people who blog about the best use of ribbon in scrapbooking, and a zillion people read it.  And truly thats ok and blimmin impressive.
We all blog for different reasons.
Maybe it's because some people blog because they want to share - photos, thoughts, hints, chitchat, and then some people blog because they want to write.  And their lovely loyal readers are there, because they like the writing.

And I'm ok with that.  Because that blog "loyalty" is so much more rewarding than an empty container of business cards and a pile of new "likers" who don't actually read the writing.

In the end, that's what its about for me...the words not the numbers.
Thank you for making time to read my words.