Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The trouble with swimwear shopping there is nowhere to hide.  Literally.  You are in a teeny booth, with just a flip of a flimsy curtain between your naked self and the world at large.  Lighting is harsh, coat hangers are clustered messily, old undies are ruched up under the ones you are trying on.  And even though you need a different size, you awkwardly get most of your clothes back on so as not to risk the size 6 shop assistant seeing you as she passes you your "mummy size" pants.  And your core and pride hurts from having to suck your guts in.  You reassure yourself, I can just hold my tummy in like this at the beach.  Although you always forget to.  And it's times like this that you think, goddamn, I have done all that exercise over the last 12 month and I STILL look like this, and in the same thought you're scones.

You carefully research the style you're after from the lovely glossy catalogues they give away in the swim suit shops.  The Husband often helps me with that side of my research.  He is very, very thorough.   But reality hits when you actually attempt to try them on.  Because quickly you realise that THOSE models haven't had 3 children, nor are they 5ft 2.  Nor are their thighs dimply and they don't have cankles.

This year, my favourite purple bikini is a light lavender colour from years of washing and chlorine.
It's time.
So I'd love to think of an excuse why I thought it was a good idea trying this on....

...when I don't even own a video camera or a gold cuff.
And when my thighs don't look like this.....

And while I'm on the subject, why would anyone think this is a good idea...

it just looks sore, and you'd have to be right up to date with your waxes.

But the fact is girls, it's not about having the perfect figure, it's about having the perfect attitude.  It's all about having a "goddamn, I am one hot sexy mama" attitude.  It can be as simple as pulling your shoulders back and working it.  Because nothing oozes sex appeal more, than a happy and healthy attitude to how you're looking.  Humour me for a moment - pull your shoulders back... it looks better right?  And I bet most of you have heard partners say how faboosh your body looks, and you murmur excuses.  Well they are right!!!! Now is the time you'll be looking at your finest girls.  Believe me I am looking down the barrel of middle age'ness, and for me this is it.  This is my summer for rocking it.  For saying my bod isn't perfect, or even close to, but this is it.  Make a choice to love this body.

Be confident, be proud, be amazing (just don't choose the orange swimsuit above, because there is nothing I can say to help you with that one).

I think I might try the frills on again.


  1. I think I might be in love with the orange swimsuit girl - is that wrong?

  2. I'm all for a single block colour one piece this year. Just need to find it?!

  3. You made my day with the picture of the women in orange! That takes some spunk! Being a Mum of four I am waaaaaay past being able to grab a $20 swimsuit off the shelf and go with it. My question is where have all the swimsuit shops gone? No-one seems to sell them anymore?

  4. I once made the mistake of going swimsuit shopping 2 months after giving birth. Old grey mare, she 'aint what she used to be...

  5. Swimsuit shopping for women is a very difficult thing indeed, but imagine how it makes us guys feel? When we need to impress you all, and it's so hard to impress yourselves? I'm Justin by the way nice to meet you