I had a scary time in the shops yesterday, I knew it was coming but the full force of it hadn't hit until I actually saw them. And what was worse, was the lovely shop assistant was waaaay too young to have experienced the horror of them first time around.
The knit stretch tube skirt.
The human memory has an amazing capacity for masking traumatic memories. As evidenced by the fact that forgetting that I never looked good in these weapons of image torture as a youthful 20+ year old, who wasn't in her mid 40's and given birth to 3 children, I foolishly decided to try one on. So shoot me, I was trying to recreate "that" look I loved in my youth - tube skirt, boots and big square jersey, with long shirt (Dad's old work shirts with the collar cut off) hanging below the large square jersey. Sorry boys, there actually was a figure under there somewhere , I forgive you for never looking at me (although my friends were wearing the same and you looked at them!). As quick as I could peel it on, I unpeeled it, having a mere 2 second glance and shudder of revulsion in the dressing room mirror. "Nup, not for me this time round", I concluded. But then I said the same thing with leggings, remember?
There are some items of clothing that a 40+ year old mother of 3 should never, ever be seen in. Here's a selection THAT ARE CURRENTLY IN THE SHOPS. Be warned...
There are no more words for this, other than don't.
How about the cropped top. There is no hiding with one of these babies on. You don't even need the kids, nor the wrinkles, for everyone to know you're a mum.
Or worse, this, which combines that off the shoulder look with a crop, and a good slice of flesh. 3 mistakes rolled in to one. Oh and it's hot pink, make that 4.
How about these? The high waisted micro shorts? This is all kind of wrong, even more so as she is famous, so no doubt has a stylist, and she has leg-stretching high heels on, even though it looks like it's daytime, which in my world is unheard of. (Rummer, do up a couple more buttons, you bra is showing honey)
Ok, I know I'm coming across as an old tracksuit and trainers wearing Nana. Which I think I may be. But really, will you be going here?
What else have you seen coming back that has filled you with terror?