Monday, June 4, 2012

What not to do when you're moving house

Hey all, thanks as always for your patience, I am back, online, with a zillion stories in my head and a new blast of energy with my blog.  During the last few weeks with almost non-existent writing and unfortunately running happening, I am desperate to get going again.  And so here I am.  Be ready for an onslaught though, and Ive got some plans afoot for some bloggy changes.  Welcome to my brave new world.

But first.  It would be soooo wrong not to do a debrief of the week that's been.  But in the interests of not boring you silly and scaring you all off with my ranting, I'll condense with a small "what not to do when you're moving" checklist...

  1. Don't mentally calculate how many hours the movers at $gazillion per hour will take.  All you'll do is woefully underestimate and then be staggered into shocked payment, regretting spending $15.95 for a packet of biscuits and 3 bottles of coke from the local corner shop for the removal guys' morning tea.
  2. Don't be surprised when a removal guy disappears into your toilet with a rolled up newspaper for a 15 minute smelly session (I made that bit up about the newspaper)
  3. Don't be disappointed when the cleaners you paid an obscene amount of money to remove all evidence of your grot, neglects to clean the top of the cupboards, the (many) finger prints from the wall or the skirting boards.
  4. Don't check up your cleaners work at 6.30pm after a long day of moving with hungry children in the car, a half lit house, and a cleaner sighing, jangling his car keys impatiently.
  5. Don't leave a very nice bottle of wine and a lovely note to the owners returning to the house (they've just booted you out of), they will only kick up a ranty, angry stink with the property managers about the dirty tops of the cupboards and dusty skirting boards.
  6. Don't begrudge the bottle of sugar soap and half a day it lost you cleaning the fingerprints off the walls.  It means there is one less thing for the returning owners to whinge about, and the gritty feeling on your hands will disappear after a few days
  7. Don't be surprised when you attempt to replace all the blown light bulbs only to find all the "transformers" have blown requiring an electrician to replace them at a cost of $178.
  8. When you return to the first night in your new (temporary) home with kids, at 7pm, with about $40 worth of KFC, after checking the cleaners work, while your husband is at a work function, don't stress that you can't get the key working or the front door open.  The very pleasant man who lives behind your house will have a spare, and will save your children the sight of their sobbing mother who doesn't care that she is swearing in front of her kids.
  9. Don't throw all those last minute really important stuff, into a grocery bag into the final moments before the removal guys arrive.  You'll never find it again.
  10. Don't curl up into foetal position after you finally get inside the house.  Life does go on, and you do need to find all the crap your family needs to function in the morning. Like eating, and wearing clothes.
  11. Try and enjoy your new (temporary) home and not focus too much on the negatives.  Like the fact you have to park 2 blocks away if you get lucky enough to find a carpark. And that you have an unexpected lodger living in a flatette attached to your home (which you weren't aware of).  He will have a spare key when you need it most. Nor that there is a methadone clinic 1/2 a block away. Just don't ket the kids play in the street too much.
Instead be thankful for the positives like this ...

You didn't have one of these where you just came from.


  1. Oh. My. God.

    Kudos to you Lisa that you have come out of it with a sense of humour! Or is it a case of "If I don't laugh I will find myself sobbing in a corner"!

  2. They're all the reasons why I'm never moving again. The coroners will be wheeling my cold, dead body out of hear when it's time.

    I'm glad it's done for you but I'm sorry that it was such an ordeal. I hope your next move is many, many years away.