Friday, July 29, 2011
I went into the city today. No small feat. It meant that at school drop off I needed to be showered, hair done, clothes other than trackies on, maybe even a smudge of lippy. In other words an atypical day. I was looking forward to it. I actually don't get into the city much. One day/night last year, I had an indulgent night in the city with my lovely friend Kristin, which even though we sneaked in some shopping was largely spent indulging in luxurious glasses of lunch time white wine, then early evening glasses of wine and nibbles, followed my mid and late evening drinks, followed by mid morning greasy brunch to soak up all the wine we'd drunk (oh no, we forgot dinner?) before a crashing-back-down-to-ground bus ride home.
In Sydney, for me, going to the city is a physical transformation from suburbia to city with a bridge "bridging" the two. When I'm in the city, it reminds me of how I used to feel when I worked in a corporate - purposeful, career oriented, equal. I love the buzz, I love watching the corporates in their corporate gear, and as today is Friday, I was imagining the corporates in their "Friday" clothes - didn't you always save the special outfits for Friday? Those ones that could move from office to pub to karaoke. I tried explaining this to The Husband, I feel that I love my life in suburbia - it's real, 3 dependent boys, 3 sets of activities, but then I miss the feeling of purpose, of importance, of independence. In NZ I had the best of both worlds, a corporate gig with some fun colleagues, but a family to go home to, I was secretly so smug that I had the absolute best of both worlds. In Sydney, it's different, it's that bridge, that road leading up to the bridge and the knowledge that in an emergency it would take me 40 minutes to get home in light traffic. In NZ, it would take 7.
I feel a dichotomy of what I want on my terms (no school hols thanks) and what I can't have. And god forbid, the tragic realisation that when I last worked in a big city job, those young people are now even younger and even though I was an older Mum back then, I'm even older now.
And as I start to dust the CV off, are my JK Rowling dreams over? Do I get sucked back into the corporate vortex?
If this post sounds confused, it's no surprise, I am too.
Labels: My Stuff